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The Prosecution: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, posting them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?